Living Below Zero

Oddly, it has been this cold streak that has bolstered my intention to be here and leave New York.

 Before the holidays, up in Hudson, the weather was dull and mediocre.  Sky gray.  No snow.  Walking was a brown trudge past large sticks known in better times as trees. Temperatures hovered slightly above freezing, and the air was mucky with humidity. The barn's forced-air heat was not enough to battle the chill efficiently, and, because we are now paying for our heat, we keep the thermostat set at degrees well below what I was used to in our over-heated Manhattan apartment.  I was cold all the time and shivered continually,  reminding myself of an old fridge ice-maker about to break down.  At night in bed, I clung to Michael and my cats.  I binged on gluten in various forms and took no exercise.

My days were spent working on a major annual project from Medscape, which, after finishing last year, was one of the impetuses (impeti?) for retiring.  "Yay, I don't have to do this damn survey and write 600 captions again!"  And here it is, supporting not only me but my husband and son as well, who have a contract for designing its hundreds of charts and slides.  The work has thousands of annoying details with the potential for riddling errors, and the results are only mildly interesting.   Working on a flat fee, my hourly rate quickly dropped to slightly above minimum.  I couldn't get back to my novel.  None of the things I had planned were working out.  I missed my old life.

Then came the holidays with its welcome distractions, parties with old and new neighbors, visits from my nun sister, kids, friends, and lots and lots of better food.  And, my very own revelatory Christmas present to myself, an LL Bean flannel nightgown.  So when temperatures plummeted in the last few days, blasting frigid air around our inadequately insulated barn apartment --  the Christmas miracle -- I'm not cold.  I have learned to clothe myself! I can stretch out in the dark with my nighty.  And by extension, I now have learned to layer during the day -- long sleeved shirts and sweaters.  When I go out I have finger mittens (everyone should have them), a hooded coat, and scarf.  Inspired, by this learned warmth and the more interesting world outside, I am willing to venture out.  Also, I'm done with the damn project.  I've returned to my novel and expect to finish at the end of the month.  I hope to create a few interesting posts.  I'm looking at Facebook (maybe that's not such a great idea).  And we are talking to some people today about building up here.  Slowly, slowly, inching are way out of the city.  Maybe.